Put your own mask on first

In a previous post I spoke of loving our neighbour AS we love ourselves not AFTER we love ourselves. My point was that the second greatest "commandment" in the Jewish Torah as taught by Jesus is not  about giving others our leftovers. It is not about satisfying all that we consider as our needs, first, then seeing what we have left to respond to others' needs.  Nor is it about giving enough to "charities" to feel less guilty, to feel we are generous. It really is about setting others life realities beside ours and exposing ourselves to the challenging question, "Is it appropriate for me to spend this money on this "need" when my friends are facing this level of deprivation?

Having said that there is wisdom in taking care of our own needs first, literally first, as the safety instructions on an airline tell us, "If a mask appears in front of you, put your mask on first, and then help others." And to make the point, the "other" in the picture is usually a child, one whom a parent might instinctively help first.  Why take care of your own mask first? Because, if you don't, you will likely die and will be no use to anyone, whereas if you do, both you and your child may survive. 
 
Over the past months I have demonstrated in a negative way the consequences of not "putting on my own mask first."  I have responded to others needs in a way I felt compelled by love to do, and have ended up in such a tight spot financially that I am now no use to anyone. I am having to focus solely on sorting out my own financial mess. 

So I'm learning that part of "putting my  own mask on first" is not borrowing from the future. There are always unexpected costs, whether with a car, an oversees trip, one needs to assume things will cost more than anticipated. One approach is to set aside a generous "rainy day" fund which one does not "dip into" for others but only for unexpected costs of one's own. Would I have the self-discipline to leave such a fund alone? When faced with a friend in real crisis? Honestly I don't know.  Where I went badly wrong though, was that I did have some generous amounts set aside for my car and for my trip to Kenya. But when faced with others needs, I trimmed those budgets down and down and gave away money I later found I needed. 

So perhaps for me a better approach than a "rainy day" fund is to simply budget generously for the future and then, if money budgetted is not required, it may be transferred to the "philanthropy" fund. Somehow, if you are soft hearted like me, you need to create a wall between money for philanthropic giving and money for personal needs.

This doesn't absolve one from treating others needs as  just as important as ones  own. For me it is as basic as whether I go out for a coffee  when a friend in Kenya hasn't even been able to eat cabbage for  several weeks, only beans and maize day after day.  I have promised myself that coffee when my friend's situation improves a little. 

I am not suggesting legalism. If your mental health demands a coffee or a visit to your local pub, then that might be "putting your mask on first."  There is a difference, though, between real needs and habitual extravagances we allow to swallow up money which could be relieving the suffering of our friends.